A letter to the Romanov

"Morals keep us bound, emerging out of injunction. They shape out character. Intimidate. Make us fearful of taboos, prohibitions, inhibition, forbidden uncharted territory. Like the fearful imagination of hellish fire on the other side of the Atlantic, of Medieval Europeans. But man is a mission with free will. Standing at the edge of the cliff .. the strickening dread stiffens, thinking about the horrific possibility of death if leaped; still the VERY option is there in hand, in the box .. on paper. The call of nature, the call of the wild. To live the life to the fullest ... self-actualize, living at the moment - with the flow of the time and chance of it (the opportunity it provides) .. to make perfection the habit of each moment .. to do what the drive takes you to. Never hesitate to be what you are. You never know you can be bigger than what you think you are. Just explore and evolve, transcend and descend in heaven and earth, to be in heaven in mundane ... living a heavenly earthly life. Never let your morals play in your not being what you could be. Never give society more credit than yourself, for your knowledge pervades the entire universe emanating from the center ... giving you the kingdom of whole, that you could be the king of .. with never ending evolution."

"A letter to the Romanov"    by  Anuj Mukherjee 

The Fall Up

   In the midst of the night i can hear your eyes calling,

On the breath of the wind i can feel your sad falling...

With the drops in the rain all my tears keep on rolling

Through the walls built between our love ever flowing...

   Hold the Night ! Hold the Time ! Hold my heart... hold me tight

All i see in the dark are your eyes filled with light...

All i hear in my veins is the song of your heart...

Hold my hand... stay with me... don't let us fall apart...

   With much pain i still learn that we cannot freeze time

When the stars are to shine and when love is a prime,

When a call up for life have us set on depart

While i keep you in mind and you leave with my heart.

   I am lost in the night... i can hear your last call...

I turn right, i turn left... don't know where should i flow.

Am afraid... and am scared... i don't know what to do...

All i have in my mind is to fall and find you.

   So i close my mind eyes and i fall from the grace

Of the heaven we've built on our lovedance through space.

Let the cold be my robe, snowflake tears may suffice

I am molding a heart calming pains in the ice.

   Let me fall through the worlds, let me break down their walls,

Let me ride through their lights, let me answer their calls...

For i know that someday i may see you once more -

Shining eyes, smiling face and the flame of our core...

   And i'll throw away my pains, and lay down in your arms

While in silence we'll heal all the marks of the harms,

With a kiss we will seal our love flowing stream

As we'll sail once again on the seas of a dream...

They say...

They say that you're one
And you're one enough for you.
But isn't then true
That to make one of you
You'll always still need to be two ?

They say that you're the seven,
The way through hell and heaven...
Then why does the free cry
When there for has to fly
Mischieving all angles by seven ?

They say love yourself first
Then you'll love the rest.
Yet... how can this be
When you're also me...
And the rest and the first
Fill the cups for the thirst
Of the love that is there to be ?

They say: "Let it all be !"
I ask: "Why should this be ?"
They say: "Let it all flow !"
I ask: "Where did you go ?"
They say: "Rise high and shine !"
I ask: "Will you be mine ?"
They say: "All is OKey !"
I can only say: "Hey..."
(Will you open or lock ones heart with a key ?)

The stragglers and the silver beams

   She was smiling seeing him approaching with his bow on his shoulder. His blonde hair was shining brightly in the dark violet sky and his eyes were sparkling like two stragglers. She watched him and her heart  was laughing filled with joy - she waited for this moment when they would meet again and play their silly childish games. "Why do i feel so happy and so lost when i see the light of his eyes ?" she asked herself many times - "This must be love... maybe is love... it looks like love... oh, anyway, why do i need to know ? I love him and that's the answer to everything." And she started to laugh while jumping around.
   He kept walking with a serious expression on his face, thinking how beautiful she is with her twisted dark and silver hair - a mix of shades which looked like frozen waves radiating a silver light around. Her eyes were like a mirror reflecting the dark sky and a silver glance was beaming softly like two miniature moons as their iris. He felt like a child every time he looked at her... and he was  sure that he will feel like that forever. "When did i fell in love with her ?" he asked himself time ago - "I loved her before she was born so I must have loved her forever because we die together every time we look to each other and we are born together every time we smile to each other." And there was no better answer for that question in his mind.
   "What are we going to play today, my lovely brother ?" she asked while throwing her hands around his neck and kissing his cheeks loudly.
   He blushed for some moments and the golden light surrounding his face became orange, He did not find the answer fast enough... she was already playing with his hair and yelling:
   "You're sweet like a tangerine ice-cream, hihihi !" Her laugh echoed all over. He was tempted to pinch her nose, but instead he hugged her and put his mouth over her ear whispering:
   "Smootchy smootchy smootch"... and he kissed her loudly on her ear, knowing that she doesn't like it, then he started to laugh. A hahaha echoed in the dark sky following the paths of the hihihi's around. She got mad as fast as the smootchy whispers reached her ear through his breath and she pushed him away with a frozen glance in her eyes:
   "This won't stop here, i'll catch you soon. You'll see !"
   He smiled watching her angry face - she was adorable and he loved to drive her mad from time to time only to see that lovely face of her.
   "Today we are pirates." he declared.
   She was surprised but liked the idea instantly:
   "Pirates ? I like it ! Yesss... pirates... So who are you ?" she asked.
   "I'm Captain Hook !"
   "So... who i am then ? Can i be a captain too ?" she asked with pretense naivety.
   "Yes you can... what do you say about Captain Hooker ? Hehehe"
   She looked at him pondering the situation. Her mouth was drawing a funny half of a smile and her eyes were laughing like a funny joke was already prepared to take place.
   "Well then... i'm Lady Hooker ! Hihihi"
   He sneaked quickly behind her and took her in his arms and started to spin around with her while singing: "Mammy is holding a beam - lighting the sky of her dream, papa is haunting a shell to comb mammy's hair..." as he did everyday of their childhood. She felt lost in his arms and all that she wanted was the spin to keep forever and his voice to be always the one which will wake her up from her dreams...
   He put her down gently, turned her around and whispered while looking straight in the silver beams of her eyes:
   "Let the game begin !"
   And they started to dance like two pirates on the deck of their ship, right in the middle of the foggy river were they've met. He was waving his bow and she was waving her sword, singing and laughing together.
   "Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate's life for me... Hihihi"
   "Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate's life for me... Hahaha"
   The river bend in a smile carrying their laughs and words all over in the dark violet skies of the galaxies...

*

   It was a busy morning in a little office at the Hat Creek Observatory. Danny was finishing his coffee when he finally managed to decode the signal which was received in the californian night. But as happy as he was about decoding it, as confused and puzzled about the message he was. "What on Earth could this message mean ?" he kept asking himself. He called his chief, and told him that the message was finally decoded. The voice of his chief was heard loud through the phone as if he stood right there in the office: "Well, what is the message saying ?" Danny mumbled in the phone :"Hihihi, sir."... Almost ten seconds of silence have passed until Danny asked with a small voice: "Sir, are you there ?" His chief answered with an irritated voice: "Of course I am here. I'll be there in two hours and we'll see what is this about." Danny ended the call and headed back to his monitors thinking along what was the meaning of the message.
 
   In another office in a remote location somewhere in South Africa, two SETI engineers were puzzled by the message they received during the day. After hours spent on decoding it, all they got was a "Hahaha". A meeting was already scheduled in order to find a meaning for the message and the phones were ringing  every ten minutes with updates about a possible declaration which will be made public as soon as the messages make a sense for everyone.

   At the SETI Institute while the scheduled meeting was on going and scientists were scratching their heads about the meaning of the "Hihihi" message received from M37 and the "Hahaha" one received from M23, the phones started to ring almost simultaneously, After minutes of conversations in multiple languages, an update was shown on the screen in the meeting room and one of the senior research scientists made an announcement:
   "While we were trying to understand the meaning of the two messages received yesterday, another message - now from M42 - was received hours ago through all the ATA stations. After being decoded, the message is composed by just one word: LOVE"

*

   The Dreamnet alarm was beep-ing on the tablet.
   He purchased an extended subscription to their services, so that he could receive updates in real time wherever he would be and see Ava's dreams whenever they are shaping in her sleep. He took out the tablet from his backpack and switched it on. There was no sound to be heard in the noise of the coffee shop where he was having his short black coffee so he kept watching the images received: a river of dust and stars crossing a dark sky, and something like two kids spinning in the waves ?
   He started to sing while watching the little stars sparkling in the sky:
   "Mammy is holding a beam - lighting the sky of her dream, papa is haunting a shell to comb mammy's hair..."
   He closed his eyes and saw her face, smiling through the rebel twisted hair, the silver beams of her eyes and heard her laugh echoed in his mind:
   "Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate's life for me... Hihihi"
  He smiled... then moved his head closer to the tablet and whispered in its microphone:
   "Thank you ! I'll find you soon."

 

The Man of All Seasons

   He was watching the screen in front of him... the Dreamnet logo was spinning in the left upper corner while the images from several decoders were loading. A cigarette smoke rolled out through his lips shaping a floating circle in the blue haze escaping the screen and dissolving in the dark of the room.
   Finally.... the images were loaded and he flushed them quickly to see something he was waiting for: the latest images decoded in real time from the subject Ava.
   The Dreamnet proposed many subjects and dreams to their customers, but he was attracted to Ava from the beginning. Her dreams were so twisted, so filled with symbols, numbers, toys, heroes, cartoons, movies and surreal landscapes that most of the customers were not interested to follow her - they labelled the subject as 'tripping bitch lost in nonsense ditch' in their online comments. But some were still watching Ava's dreams to find a pattern, to connect all those images which looked like a continuous reshaping riddle, still hoping to see the face which was missing in her dreams... The missing face was like a silent mind driver for all of them - if the other subjects were dreaming all sorts of events from births to funerals, from love to hate, from sex scenes to war fights scenes and the characters of their dreams were well defined, Ava's case was frustrating not only because of the cryptic journey of her dreams, but because the main character of many of her dreams was a mystery - a man without a face... and somehow, for who knows what reasons, they were hoping to see their faces completing the character of her riddles.
   He was looking at the images on the screen and was shocked to see her pointing to a line of numbers, a map of a solar system and a 3D printer . He felt that she tried to tell him something, but he did not know where to start or how to combine the numbers, what were their meaning.... He lighted up another cigarette while the images changed and he saw her pushing a button on the 3D printer machine... "what the heck is she trying to print now ?" - and as if she heard him, she turned her face to him showing a beautiful smile and two liquid sparkles flowing from her dark eyes... she was crying and smiling... "what are you going to do Ava?" he asked in his mind. She turned back to the 3D printing machine and the image showed a close-up of the button she pushed. The cigarette was trembling in his fingers - the button was labelled STORM. She turned again and he saw her face changed. The tears were frozen and her gaze was sharp as a blade. The smile was ironic and 2 words were flashing red on his screen: Too Late...
   He was watching the screen hoping that something else will appear, but the only image was frozen still on the flashing words. Suddenly he remembered the rabbit from Wonderland and yelled his words: "It is never too late, Ava! Wake up !"
   The flashing letters blurred out and her face appeared again. She was laughing. Feeling confident that she can hear him in her dreams, he started to talk to her:
   "Ava, please wake up."
   "Why?" she asked with a childish curiosity.
   "You're going to get lost in your dreams, Ava. I am watching you for some time and you don't seem to find your way back from the world that you created."
   She was smiling. Looked around her, then she whispered:
   "I feel very awake in here. Thank you for your concern. Looks like you want to save me from something."
   "Ava, who is the man in your dreams ? why is he not there to save you ?"
   "I'm afraid that i cannot answer your question. If you want to meet that man, then is your job to find the answer." she answered with a blank face.
   He felt a wave a frustration boiling his blood... "is she playing dumb with me or she defends the asshole showing in her dreams?" He heard his thoughts out loud in the silence of the room:
   "If i find that moron without a face i'll show him my idea of a man. A man who won't leave you alone in your dreams."
   She was gently laughing and watching him through the screen.
   "You want to find me ?" she asked smiling.
   He felt like his heart was searched inch by inch by an electric current flowing from her eyes - a gaze looking straight in his soul. He found just one word to say:
   "Yes"
   Her image suddenly transformed and a little girl with a funny star shaped purple balloon started to talk to him:
   "You must find The Man of All Seasons. He can help you find Ava."
   He was watching the screen. He knew that he was not the only one watching the stream of dreams coming from the subject Ava, so he was tempted to give up the charade and let the others deal with it, He turned his back to the screen thinking of leaving the room when he felt again her eyes searching deep in his soul. "Damn it!"... he lighted up another cigarette and turned back to the screen and asked:
   "Where can i find this man ?"
   The little girl smiled and her face blurred for some seconds reshaping the features of Ava. She was looking straight in his soul again while whispering softly:
   "You need to take your backpack and fill it with confidence, courage and spirit for adventure, but take care not to be too impatient or too impulsive while you make your first steps. Then be determined to go on your way, be patient and warmhearted and gather the fruits from the trees you'll see along your path, but don't be greedy, don't be possessive or jealous of others fruits around. Go ahead, adapt to your path, talk to the people you'll meet, be versatile, witty and eloquent but pay attention to not become tense and superficial or inconsistent. Love the people you meet, use your imagination, your intuition, feel them, protect them but don't cling to them, and let them go when needed. Don't let your moods to drive you astray. In the land of the summer be generous, creative, faithful and loving but take care to not become intolerant and dogmatic or bossy and patronizing. Remember to be shy when needed, modest if needed, use your intelligence, analyse your options, be practical but don't be harsh or perfectionist and conservative. Don't worry! When the leaves will fall you'll arrive to a town. There you'll have to use your diplomacy to find peace in things. Keep a balance while being charming and sociable. You can add a bit of romanticism to your journey but don't let yourself be easily influenced, don't become too self indulgent or indecisive. Walk ahead powerful, passionate, forceful, using your magnetism you'll gain on your path, but don't become secretive and resentful. Jealousy and obsessions won't make an easy way for you. While you'll be leaving the town and will be heading to the mountains where the snow awaits, be optimistic, feel the freedom in the air you breathe, be honest and keep a good humor while thinking of all the philosophical matters which will cross your mind, but don't be restless and irresponsible. Don't let the optimism to blind you. Even if you are tired and you still have to go, be ambitious yet prudent, careful yet practical, patient while finding a good joke for your journey. Don't feel left down, pessimistic... don't let misery to take the face of fatality. As you walk on the mountain, be friendly to all the creature you meet, be inventive and original, be loyal when needed while preserving your freedom but take care to not become detached from everything or unemotional while preserving your independence. Don't act unpredictable if not needed. When you'll arrive on top of the mountain look around: you'll see the world with compassionate eyes, you'll feel selfless and connected with everything around. Your intuition and sensitivity will fuel your kindness and imagination, but don't forget why you started the journey, don't let your ideals to drive you to a crazy escapism solution - because you are exactly where you wanted to be: starring at The Man of All Seasons who will be smiling through the snow which will fall quietly over you."
   She stopped talking for a while and watched him with a mysterious smile on her face. She let her words to come out like a warm breath dancing over a frozen screen, before she turned around and left.
   He was left to stare at the words shaping and slowly flowing on the frozen screen:
   "Do you still want to save me from myself ?"
 

Forever lost... yet always found

Lost in a world of dreams... sometimes with no hopes to return to what some would call the 'real life'... yet... watching through the 'reality' of a spinning life...
Lost ?
Maybe just not ready to awake until the drops of rain won't fall from the rainbows covering the sleeping wonderland in which i drown safely...
Nothing is really lost...
What is seen as lost, is just waiting to be found in another place or time...

Sometime... somehow... somewhere... some things...